Desmond Tutu’s – from the Book of Forgiving. Four Fold Path – #1 Telling the story
Telling the story – Telling the story is how we get our dignity back after we have been harmed. It is how we begin to take back what was taken from us, and how we begin to understand and make meaning out of our hurting. When we know our stories and make sense of what has happened, we get connected to the larger story of our lives and its meaning. We become more resilient, we are able to handle stress, and we heal. When you tell your story, you no longer have to carry your burden alone. The path of forgive¬ness leads back to where we were trapped, so we can rescue the parts of ourselves we have given up
A. Speak the truth.
B. Start with the facts.
C. Tell your story first to a friend, loved one, or trusted person.
D. Consider telling the story to the person who harmed you, or writing a letter. If it is possible, you can begin by affirming your relationship with this per¬son and its importance to you . There is a profound reclaiming of dignity and strength when you are able to stand in front. of your abuser, stand in your truth, and speak of how that person hurt you. I believe this is the quickest way to find both peace and the will to forgive.. As long as the one to whom you tell the story is affirming, empathetic, and trustworthy, you will move forward in the process of forgiving and benefit from this step in the Fourfold Path.
E. Accept that whatever has happened cannot be changed or undone.
F. We may need to tell our stories many times over, to many different people, and in many different forms before we are ready to move forward in the forgiveness process. We also may find that just telling our stories relieves a burden we have carried. When we tell our stories, we are practicing a form of acceptance. When we tell our stories, we are saying, “This horrible thing has happened. I cannot go back and change it, but I can refuse to stay trapped in the past forever.”
G. The story is not a single action, nor is it a finite event. It is an ongoing process within the unfolding process of forgiving and healing. Our stories evolve as our understanding evolves, as our acceptance evolves, and as our meaning-making evolves