Forgiveness session II –Why we find it hard to forgive
Start with the Lord’s Prayer
What are some reasons that you have found forgiveness hard to offer?
Desiderio says that one of the reasons people have trouble forgiving is when they feel justice has not been done.
Let’s see what the Bible has to say about justice.
Biblical justice is relational—founded on God’s gracious initiative, also creative, liberating, vindicating and restorative.
Justice is part of God’s nature. Here, I’d like to refer to Terence Fretheim, who is a theologian and an Old Testament scholar. In his book, God and the World in the Old Testament, Fretheim provides some perspectives about divine judgment. Judgment can mean good news or bad news.
For instance, divine action against the wicked can mean deliverance of the poor and needy from oppression. “Judgment is not a capricious divine act, but a response to human sinfulness.”
Fretheim says that God’s judgment is never simply justice—that’s because God is much too lenient. God is patient, forbearing and “slow to anger.” God’s judgment is based on the fact that relationships are at stake rather than a set of rules, or a contract or agreement. God is not at all “a neutral representative of an independent court of justice.” Fretheim goes on to say here that human judges, when they are doing their job well, are very objective and dispassionate. (Interesting contrast to this comment in the article on forgiveness in which an emotional judge decreases jail time that must be served after talking with father of the prisoner)
God is not cool and detached, because God has a personal relationship with the group being judged—that is, “when thinking of God as a judge, remember that the judge behind the bench is the spouse of the accused one in the dock.” “The most common agent of divine judgment is the created moral order…God has created the world in such a way that deeds (whether good or evil) will have consequences…that good deeks have consequences may be called blessing; that sins have consequences may be called judgment.”
“Christians believe that divine justice was fully personified in the person of Jesus Christ.” Jesus died to bring us back into a right relationship with God. This is the basis for our relationship with God and the basis for our relationships with one another. Justice is God’s initiative and our hope. Jesus links justice with love. If we love God, we will desire to become like God in our values, priorities and actions. Biblical justice is therefore a quality of /mutual bondedness/–the foundation of our individual, as well as shared, covenant relationship with God. Jesus insists that we break the spiral of violence and create an environment in which even our enemy can be reconciled and drawn into our community—Biblical justice is creative in transcending the boundaries of race, politics or religion. Biblical justice is liberating—the liberation of God’s people from slavery. The Sabbath, the Sabbath year, (every seventh year the land was given a rest) and the year of Jubilee (every fiftieth year). Jesus promises vindication for the poor, the outcasts the marginalized, the abused and the oppressed. It is God’s role to avenge, not ours. God’s justice is restorative. (Sizer, from a 2006 article)
Retributive Justice (eye for an eye)
Restorative justice (Desmond Tutu—Truth and Reconciliation Committees in South Africa)
The job of justice is to right wrongs. The job of forgiveness is to heal hurts.
When justice is not done, we get angry.
Desiderio says that anger is a normal human response, anger is energy.
Desiderio has assigned colors to the different levels of anger.
Red—ordinary, day to day anger
Purple—the kind of anger that doesn’t go away, festering resentment
(Resentment is the poison you drink and hope the other guy dies)
White anger—a combination of resentment and rage. “Wrath”
Beige—anger in hibernation, often passive aggressive kind of anger
Blue—the blues, when anger gets suppressed it turns into depression
Silver—like a scalpel or a hammer, a tool to solve problems
Golden—the anger of Jesus—love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.
Forgiveness converts anger from being destructive to constructive.
Revenge
Revenge is a normal response of the brain to help human beings seek justice and to relieve themselves of pain.
Revenge can be fun.
Problem of revenge: Leads to obsessive thinking, and leads us away from our true loves.
How would you describe the relationship between justice and forgiveness?
When you are angry, what color would best describe you?
For what reasons have you not forgiven others?
Next week: The three big forgives and a look at Desiderio’s method to use to work toward forgiveness.
L-E-T G-O.
The five steps of letting go are:
L – Look deeply at what went wrong
E – Empathy is the key
T – Tell the story differently
G – Give forgiveness freely
O- One day at a time, keep forgiveness strong